it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
