I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
