im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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