Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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