who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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