I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
