she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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