Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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