wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
