i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
