How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
