I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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