Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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