I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
