i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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