Your tits are I can't wait for
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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