Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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