someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
