I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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