We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
