so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
