I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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