hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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