You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
