I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
