Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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