i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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