we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
