Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
