i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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