it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
