GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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