Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
