just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
