New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
