he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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