my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
