i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
