arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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