Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize