it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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