i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
