she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize