a search helicopter?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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