Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hippo gnu deer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
