problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
