if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
