3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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