We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
