next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
