First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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