this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
