youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
