i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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