6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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