T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize