oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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