Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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