I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
