Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
