is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
