so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
