I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
